Friday, December 24, 2010

A Look Back and a Glance Forward

As I look back at 2010, I seem to forget the hard time and heartaches that came along for the ride.  True, there were many disappointments but that didn't define my year.  My year was defined by what I learned from it all:

What I learned about love is that I can't save someone from their own demons.   Only they can.  I've learned that six months away from dating is one of the greatest gifts that I could have given my heart.  I've learned that money doesn't buy love.  It just made me poor.  I learned that I am ready to get married and have children.  But first, I need to find someone who is emotionally capable of loving me in return.

What I learned about music is that releasing myself through lyrics and melody is what keeps me healthy and sane.  I've learned that it's important to be reminded that though others may feel connected to my writing doesn't mean I'm any more special then they are.  I've learned that there is a lot of competition in writing but I am proud to continue supporting others instead of seeking sabotage.  I've learned that music is the key that opens my soul free an that is what connects me to others.  I am forever grateful.

What I learned about friendship is that there is nothing embarrassing about only having five good friends.  It's stronger then having only 200 acquaintances.  I learned that it's hard to justify why you're friends with someone since childhood who no longer contributes to the friendship. And yet, who knows me better ?  I learned that I am really blessed to have my friends who know me and love me.  And they are also blessed to have me.  (And admitting that is not of ego but truth).

What I learned about traveling is that being on the road can be lonely.  But the people you meet on your travels helps erase a lot of that.  Thank you Australia, Boston and London. 

2011 holds incredible possibilities.  I have exciting new projects including the re-opening of a chapter of my life I thought was closed and hearing my work sung in another language (details to come for both soon).

I have vacancy in my heart again that is ready to be rented and owned.

2011 holds the things I didn't finish in 2010. 

As I write this, I can honestly say life is about learning and I look forward to 2011 ...

who knows what I will learn next.   Or who I will meet.  All I know is that I feel blessed and thankful and can't imagine what's next for me  - but will continue to dream it.

To you reading this - thank you.  Thank you for believing in me and letting me learn from you.  Your letter or your hug or your handshake or your smile - it taught me something.  Thank you.


xx -SA

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

When Do I Get to Sleep ?

On November 1st, I released my new album 'What I Wanna Be When I Grow Up.'   In the day of its release on iTunes, we charted at the #1 spot on the "Singer/songwriter" market as well as the #55 spot on the overall chart.  After nine months of working on an album, I felt so proud to be able to stand back and watch other's enjoy what I had worked so hard on.  After a day and a half, though, I got home to several emails informing me that the album had been removed from iTunes.  In a frantic state, I called CDBaby to figure out what was happening.   They informed me that there seemed to have been a coding issue with the song 'Warm' and iTunes needed the error to be fixed by CDBaby prior to be able to put the album back up.   Within an hour, they had made the fixes necessary and sent it back to iTunes to get re-posted.  A week and a day later - after calling CDBaby four times a day - it seemed this morning that everything was actually starting to take place.  I woke up this morning to find the album was, indeed, back on iTunes.  Yet, I soon learned, looks can be deceiving.  Since 9am this morning, the album has been sitting in a 'The items you've requested are not available' state on iTunes. 

For those whom may think - it's cool.  Deal with it.  It will happen.  Let me explain.  iTunes sales make up for about 90% of sales of an album.  But, truthfully, this is no even about money.  For nine months, every single day, I worked on this album.  I produced this album, along with Jesse Vargas, and watched over every single detail that went into creating this album, from the song selections to the album artwork to the contacting the performers to taking care of all the payments of the musicians, studios, engineers, producers, artists, etc.

All I wanted was to rest.  After working tirelessly on a product, putting it out there in the world is not only nerve wracking but it's also a huge weight off of your shoulders.  There is nothing more to do. 

Sadly, my shoulders still have heavy weights on them.  I don't have a label to make these calls for me or deal with the issue at hand.  No.  On all three albums, I have been the label.  I don't have a PR agent, I do my own PR.   Every article, every interview, every personal appearance, every upcoming concert - I have planned myself.  That's not to say that I think of myself as special for this reason.  Not at all. So many artists have to be their own business.  I am the sole employee and the sole product of my business.  For one second, though, I'd like to rest.

I am rambling.  All I should have said is - iTunes -HURRY UP !!! I want to sleep !!!

Wednesday, October 27, 2010


Every time I finish a new album I always say 'THAT'S THE LAST ONE.'  I always swear off writing and working on a new album.  It takes so much out of me.  And yet, not even a month passes by and I've already started setting out for the next adventure.  I guess, at the end of the day, writing is a part of what defines me.  It's who I am.  I am a writer.  I need words and music - they are my therapy.   'What I Wanna Be When I Grow Up' is no different and yet, it is.  This compilation of music is the most personal collection of music that I have written.   I listen to many of the songs and they pull me back to a very recent time - as many of the songs are so fresh I can still feel the fire that went in to writing the song in the first place.   

    The title, itself, is very personal.  Without giving too much - a year ago, a producer whom I respected asked me 'What is it you want to be when you grow up, Scott ?'  Asking this of a 32 year old man who had believed he had reached success in his writing, I felt confused by this question.  When I sat there, puzzled for an explanation, the producer insisted - "quit writing and go back to school. " He told me, in no uncertain terms, that I would never find success in this field because I don't have the talent that it takes to reach the level of success that many of my peers will eventually see for themselves.    
      Now, let it be said - this albums title was never meant as a 'fuck you.'  No.  This albums title is a statement.  At the end of the day - all I could ever be when I grew up was a writer.  Here, in this album, you will find my heart on my sleeve.  If ONE person finds comfort in my work - then, Mr. Producer - You were wrong.  I am successful.   Ok, maybe it is a fuck you. 

xx -SA